I honestly don’t have any idea. Everything is bleak. It’s a gloomy world. The light of my life…the light of my family is gone. There will be no more nagging in the morning to take my breakfast before starting to work. There will be no more scolding so that I eat my lunch. There will be no more happy chatter before going to sleep at night. No one to soothe my worried mind.
Everyday, her last few hours here on earth kept on replaying in my mind. I felt like I have not done enough to keep her alive. I was not a good daughter for I was not able to make her happy and contented enough in life. There are so many ifs and what ifs.
It’s almost a month when she passed away and yet the pain and loneliness is still as fresh as if it was only an hour ago.
Life in our house has been as usual, mind you. But simply because I have to make sure it does. For my father’s sake. For my family’s sake. However, I am still struggling to make everything right in my own life.
I am in deep shit. I feel like I am not myself at all. I don’t know who I am at this point. There’s a part of me saying I am still me but there is also a part of me who wanted to be just a mad woman!
To be continued…