Ill-Mannered Children are Caused by Parents Like You

Having 3 nieces around me, I would often find myself in a situation where I have to discipline them because they are in my house. 1 of 3 children literally lived with me since birth and her parents have left her in my care so I know I can discipline her the way I was disciplined by my parents. With the other 2, it was a different story. They are my brother’s children from his mistress (mistress #1…yes he has several…). The eldest is a very fine young girl who as we would often say very much like her paternal grandmother. Finesse, diligent and loving. All she needs is a guidance on how to be a good person to everyone. The youngest is a spoiled-brat. She would often throw tantrums at anytime and at anything.

I don’t blame the kid because it does not matter if she was born like that…She may be born a spoiled-brat but if her upbringing is different, how can she be one?

I blame her parents. I feel sorry for the kid.

In our world right now where we all have to be tough but knows when to compromise, how can these kids survive?

I read this article “If you don’t want your kids to be ill mannered, stop doing these 5 things” and I tell you, they are spot on!

1. Stop being afraid of them

If your child becomes demanding and you panic just to fulfill their request, this may be sending the wrong message. Kids may get used to the idea of using crying or throwing a fit as a way to manipulate. While indulging them is part of the way parents show they care, it’s important not to overdo it.

According to Dr. Susan Newman, the first step to changing unhealthy patterns is to ask yourself if you’re spoiling your kid by giving them “unearned privileges.” This happens when you give in to their every whim, for example, to gain their approval or make up for things you didn’t experience in your own childhood. Try to help them learn about the difference between a “want” and a “need.”

2. Stop making excuses for them

Keep yourself from downplaying bad behavior. Don’t justify their tantrums by saying things like “that’s just how children are” because this will inadvertently encourage them to continue this pattern of behavior.

Parenting Coach Lisa Bunnage cautions parents that the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to stop excusing your kid’s poor manners. She shares that her form of discipline is coupled with love—prioritizing rules, manners, and chores while tweaking it based on her kid’s needs.

“Remember to meet their needs and manage their wants,” she writes on Brat Busters.

3. Stop cautioning others not to scold them

Back in the day, it was normal for teachers and non-relative elders to scold kids, but now it’s widely frowned upon. Many moms prefer to focus on their own child while refraining to discipline someone else’s.

It’s important to be open to others disciplining your child—within reason. For instance, if your child’s teacher catches him misbehaving, she can’t very well let it slide. So long as you open the lines of communication with your kid’s teacher, she can be your helper in making sure your child is respectful and well behaved in school and at home.

4. Stop spoiling them

Dr. Jim Taylor suggests assessing what you’re teaching them daily. Are you helping them achieve the necessary “attitudes and skillsets” to be a functioning adult with healthy habits? When it comes to money, for instance, his advice is to ask yourself if you’re teaching them the value of respect, discipline, responsibility, and delayed gratification, which are traits that can’t be developed if you keep on giving them what they want.

5. Stop giving them shortcuts

No parent wants their kid to have a difficult time, but there is some merit to letting them work for things. A simple example would be when you’re at a restaurant and they start to get antsy, don’t just thrust an iPad in their faces so they can while away the time and leave you in peace.

Teach them to be patient and find ways to amuse themselves without the help of a gadget.

Another way to instill the value of hard work would be to require them to do chores even if you have household helpers. Teacher and dad of three Andrew Andestic says parents should encourage their kids to dream, but to emphasize that ambition is nothing without hard work.

Believing in kids while being honest with them, assuring them that you’ll always be there for them, will inspire confidence and compliance, not out of obligation but out of deep respect, which is the root of genuinely good and lasting manners.

I think this article summed it all up. Please dear parents, don’t bring up another spoiled brat into this world.

We all complain and kept on asking what is happening in this world when we all know that this is a product of how the leaders and society of today were brought up. Yes, we are either big headed or timid.

 

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